When marriages or relationships are in trouble, each partner is suffering and feeling isolated. There are two types of strategies for regaining equilibrium when a person feels betrayed, hurt or threatened.
Some people tend toward behaviors of retreat, ranging from going mute in a conversation, staying away from the home, or burying oneself in internet or work activities.
Other people tend toward pursuing behaviors, ranging from physical contact, positive or negative attention seeking, critical or persecutory remarks, repeated requests for attention or intimacy.
In order to begin to heal a fractured marriage or relationship, we have to change old thinking patterns and replace them with ones that are healthy and beneficial to our own well being, and that of our partner.
Couples begin to develop understanding and insight, forgiveness and compassion and work towards getting the love and spark back into their relationship.
Feeling heard and accepted is paramount in the reconciliation process. I provide a neutral territory to help couples agree upon and work through tough issues with support and compassion.
To repair a marriage or a relationship we need to think differently about our spouse or partner, this is done in the neural circuitry of our brain. Couples need to move past the negative associations that have built up over time.
Utilizing our brain's natural ability to change, called Neuroplasticity, we can make permanent changes in our beliefs and feelings about our significant other.
Only then can we begin to see things from a much clearer perspective. You will learn to regard your partner in a new light, with the absence of negative biases that previously tainted the marriage or relationship.
During relational counseling, we will work towards resolution and understanding in the following areas:
Divorce is difficult. No matter how common, it is one of the most challenging of life's experiences. It's not just your marital status that changes -- your entire life shifts.
You have lost a significant relationship, as well as your status, identity, image, and more. Divorce can alienate your social circle and can leave you feeling isolated and alone. Divorce is incredibly hard if there are children, not just the actual split, but life thereafter.
A tremendous amount of time and effort is involved in dividing up your stuff, finding new places to live, trying to make things fair, etc. It’s a lot of complicated, unpleasant work that just doesn’t seem to end. The future you envisioned and strived for has ended, and you are left thinking, "Now what?”
So, when people ask me, “when is it time to divorce,” I tell them if the person they are becoming is someone they don’t like, they need to get out of the marriage.
If you are in a marriage that requires you to:
Then it is time to call it quits and work towards an amicable separation and divorce.
If you find yourself consumed with worry over the problems in your marriage, even though you have done all you can to try and solve those problems, you are wasting precious time and should move on.